Strength of Family

Another church talk for a High Council Sunday:

How does one measure the strength of a family? Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are taught that the family is the fundamental unit of society, and that the strength of a nation depends on the strength of its families. We learn that the individual finds his or her ultimate purpose and capacity for joy within the bonds of family relationships. But the definition of what constitutes a strong family, it seems, is left rather vague. Perhaps this is because the family is a dynamic entity, changing with time and circumstance, such that no single description of its strength will apply to all families, all the time. What makes one family strong now, might not apply equally to a different family, or even to the same family a few decades later.

Certainly there are characteristics, or rather outcomes, in strong families that are commonly recognized: where each family member has love and respect for the other members, where we mourn with those that mourn and rejoice in the success and happiness of each other. But again, these are things that, although readily felt and recognized in the heart, are not easily measured.

Nevertheless, the Father of us all, He who knows more about families than any of us, has not left us without guidance on this question. Recognizing the dynamic nature of the family, He has sent us scriptures and living prophets to help us identify the building blocks of family strength, which if applied to our families will bolster, connect and unify us not only as earthly families, but more importantly, as members of His eternal family.

As we review these elements, let me caution against making family comparisons. I assure you there are no perfect families among us. Each has room for improvement. But it’s all too easy to point to this or that family and become discouraged thinking, “We will never be as great as that family,” or even worse, to look about you and become complacent by thinking, “At least we are stronger than them.” Both of these attitudes, pride and fatalism, are tools of the adversary to keep you and your family from moving forward and making the changes needed to ensure your place in celestial realms.

Our focus must be internal when it comes to making adjustments that will strengthen our families. Yes, we can look outside for good examples, ideas and helps from those around us, but make sure you do so for inspiration, not for comparison.

Now, it goes without saying that a family is composed of individuals, each with their own unique set of strengths. In a way, the family derives strength from the strengths of each individual, and when one person in the family gets stronger, the family benefits from that strength. So you might think that if you could somehow measure the strengths of the individuals and add them up, the sum total would equal the strength of that family. But you would be wrong, for a couple of different reasons.

For one thing, there is usually one person who carries a greater burden and responsibility for the strength of the family than do the other members, and that is the head of the household. Usually that is going to be the father, but in many families nowadays, it might be a single mom, or a grandparent or someone else. But whoever it is who holds that stewardship to provide, protect and preside in the family will find that the strength of his family will largely be a reflection of the spirit which he brings to it. If I, as a father, am doing my duty and leading my family to Christ, teaching both by word and example, I feel the Spirit as a tangible presence in my home, strengthening each member, helping to repair breaches where needed, and knitting us closer together in unity, love and respect. If, however, I find myself getting lax in my spiritual duties: should my prayers become infrequent or unfeeling, or my scripture study fall victim to busy-ness or laziness, or my obedience to commandments become a matter of convenience rather than commitment, that is when I find that I am left to myself. And like the prideful Nephites of old who found themselves without the protection of the Spirit and as weak as their enemies, I too find it much harder to combat the influences of the world from encroaching and weakening the bonds of family.

I’ll say it once again because it is an important concept: For the Head of the Household, the strength of your family will largely be a reflection of the spirit you bring to it. No, you can’t control everything that happens in your family; nor should you try to do so, lest you fall into the realm of unrighteous dominion. But your influence, when coupled with the Spirit of God, is a definite force to be reckoned with and will bear fruit, whether for good or ill, for years to come.

The second reason that you can’t just add up the strength of individuals to find the measure of a family’s strength is due to the dynamics of family life itself. The very circumstance of living together in a family affects the strength of the individual. In other words, I am a stronger person because I am part of a family. When I think of my life and where I would be or what I would be doing if I was not a husband and father, or if I had not grown up in a family where values were taught and exemplified, I shudder. I do not think I would have been strong enough on my own to provide for, protect or preside over anyone. But the covenants, commitments and blessings of family life are transformative; they provide a clearer, broader vision of what could be, and the courage to stretch beyond what you may perceive as your own personal limits or abilities. To say it differently, when working as they should, families are faith factories, a place where God can give us a glimpse of our potential and provide us the courage to pursue it.

And what a vision it is. Listen again to the phrases defining family in the First Presidency’s inspired Proclamation to the World. It says that family is “central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” and that “the divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave,” where “sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.” That is breathtaking.

Is it any wonder that God has ordained the family as the fundamental unit of both the church and of society in general? Is it any wonder that the adversary is trying so hard to redefine the family as something less than what it really is? Couched in the political language of greater inclusion, Satan would actually deceive us into limiting the nature of the family: making it simply a place where people of common interests gather for a short time, parting with the tides of desire, without any real promise of permanence or enhanced potential.

It’s the same old argument Lucifer used in the beginning: “We’ll let everybody get what they want without requiring anything from them,” no standards, no sacrifice, promising that which he could never deliver.

But that’s not the only lie floating around out there. There is a popular notion in literature and in the media which is even more subtly deceiving, even to many people of faith. It is the belief that if the love between two people is just strong enough, they will be able to stay together forever, that love is stronger than death. It is a romantic notion, but also a false one. It will take more than mere infatuation to merit such a prize. Let me explain.

I am a father with two daughters and a son. I do not claim to know the mind of God beyond what I have been taught by the prophets and sacred scripture, but I suspect that He feels much the same way about each of us as I do about my kids. And though I cannot say that I love any one of my kids more than I do the others, my love is expressed differently based on their needs and my expectations for them. I want to give my son that which will allow him to one day stand strong and independent of me as the head of his own eternal family, finding joy in his posterity as he adds glory and honor to God’s kingdom, and hopefully to mine too.

For my daughters, I wish them to one day join in matrimony with the kind of man I envision my son becoming. And I am not inclined to give my blessing to just anyone who wanders in looking to wed one of my girls. I want to make sure whoever he is, he at least has the potential to provide her the means for a happy life and an eternity of joy.

Now think of it. For God to release one of His beloved children into the care of another, for eternity, He is going to want to see evidence of more than just “But I love her.”

No. This is a blessing that is reserved for those who will reach for it, strive for it, using their agency to choose obedience, a standard of behavior designed to help us overcome our natural, selfish desires and inclinations, turning our wills over to God through our faith in His Son Jesus Christ. Only then, when these minimum standards of behavior have been met will the Father give his blessing to an eternal union. When it comes to creating an eternal family, love alone is not enough. It also requires sacrifice, commitment and covenant administered by priesthood authority. (see D&C 132)

Now don’t get me wrong. There are good, strong families out there that have not yet been sealed in the temple. You can have a strong, though temporary, family without going to the temple, but it will never be as strong as it could be. Remember, we are not talking about strength in comparison to some other family. Our focus is internal, and thus the only valid comparison is that between where you are now as a family and your ultimate potential, the door to which is opened in the House of the Lord.

So I think we can safely conclude that one of the essential building blocks of eternal family strength is the striving to make and then keep sacred temple covenants. So how do we keep our families pointed towards the temple? There is no single right answer here, but some examples of what others have done include the hanging of pictures of temples in the home, making sure that church publications about temples are readily available, attending the temple regularly if you have a recommend and making sure your family members know that you are going there, and teaching lessons at family home evening on temple work, covenants and necessary standards of worthiness to enter the temple.

Which leads us to another major building block of family strength: Family Home Evening. Now if you are like most congregations, there are some of you out there who hold family home evening each week religiously, making it a priority and only under the rarest of circumstances will you let anything keep you from it. There are a few others of you who for one reason or another, despite prophetic counsel, have yet to attempt to hold family night. But likely the majority of you are those who try to hold family home evening some of the time, alternating between periods of regular gathering and periods of distraction or exhaustion or self-doubt that keep you from bringing the family together for instruction, counsel, activity, and prayer.

I know how that feels. When I was a child, my family was in that last group. With a family of 8 kids squirming about, when we did have family night, my parents often presided over what often could be defined as an argument interspersed with scripture. “Mom, he’s touching me.” “Would you stop breathing on me?”

But even when I was a teenager, complaining about having my life "interrupted" for this weekly gathering, I felt even then that it was right to be together. I don’t remember a single thing that my father or mother taught us on those occasions, but I remember that we were together, and that was good. Time together as a family on those Monday nights built bonds of loyalty and unity that exist to this day among my siblings. It also paved the path of priorities, helping us understand that the gospel was not just for Sunday, but a way of life for every day.

In the D&C (38:27), the Lord says “I say unto you, be one, and if ye are not one ye are not mine.” Unity in the church is a reflection of unity in our homes, according to President J. Reuben Clark, who added: “one of the most important ways to foster unity in the home is holding family home evening regularly. Whether we are young or old, single or married, whether we have children at home or have become empty nesters…Family Home Evening is for everyone.”

For as long as I have been alive and for many years prior, Prophets and apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ have counseled the saints to hold a regular family night and promised great blessings to those who do, including spiritual growth, increased personal worth, family unity, love for our fellowmen, trust in our Father in Heaven, power to resist temptations and many more of the things we crave most for our families.

When I married my sweetheart, we decided early on that we would keep Monday nights sacred, letting nothing interfere with our family home evening. Before the kids came, it was more like a quick devotional with a little scripture study thrown in, but we made a habit of it that continues to this day.

There have been some challenges. One hot spring while I was serving in a Bishopric, we had had weeks of meetings and I had not had time to get the sprinklers adjusted and the lawn was turning brown. Monday night seemed like it would be the only time available to work on those sprinklers. So we found a way to do both. The lesson that night was on following the prophet, followed by an activity where our young children, dressed in their swimsuits, waited while the Lord (played by mom) told the prophet (played by dad) where to lead the saints (played by the kids) around the yard where the sprinklers needed to be adjusted. We were all soaked and laughing. Our neighbor across the street watched in amusement while my little ducklings followed me in single file through the sprays, and finally asked what we were doing. My daughter Emily piped up and replied, “We’re playing Follow the Prophet and my Mom’s the Lord!” I think it is a story that will be told for generations as part of Fotheringham Family Lore, and it would have been missed if there had been no commitment to holding family night.

There have been external challenges too. Sometimes the best shows on TV have been scheduled on Monday nights (though with VCRs and Tivo, that is no longer as big a temptation as it used to be). I’ve told my employer more than once that I would not be available when they tried to schedule Holiday Office Parties on Monday nights. As my kids have grown older, they have been challenged too with invitations to movies, parties or other social gatherings on Monday nights, some of which have come from other members of the Church. I’ve been so proud of them when they respond to these invitations by telling their friends that they will not be coming because it was family night. Sometimes we have arranged to hold an earlier or abbreviated Family Night so that they could attend some special event, but I sometimes wonder why we should have to.

President Gordon B. Hinkley said, in regards to family home evening, “You have to establish in your life some sense of prioritizing things, of giving emphasis to the important things and of laying aside the unimportant things that will lead to nothing. Establish a sense of justice, a sense of what is good and what is not good, what is important and is not important; and that can become a marvelous and wonderful blessing in your lives.”

Another important building block of family strength that generally needs to be placed higher on the priorities list is that of family scripture study. I have to admit that other than on Monday nights, my family has not had much success lately organizing this activity, so I cannot speak from recent experience. But when the kids were younger and were all on the same schedule going to Elementary School, we would read a chapter around the breakfast table, taking turns and helping the youngest to pronounce the big words. Did they understand any of what they were reading? Probably very little at first, but they did have an opportunity to become familiar with the beautiful language of scripture, and were blessed with at least a basic understanding that these books, these words, were important – more so than any other books in the house, because we didn’t read those others every day (although for a time, the Harry Potter series was being read at bedtime fairly regularly).

That daily out-loud reading had other benefits. All my kids are now excellent readers. If you can read scripture with confidence, anything from J.K. Rowling to William Shakespeare is a breeze. Even more important, however, was the building of a common binding reference for where our family would look for answers, for values, for truth.

I'll conclude with one more building block of family strength that also has a high return on investment, but which also takes a fairly high level of commitment to pull off. I speak of daily family prayer.

I can think of nothing as a parent that testifies more powerfully to your children of your faith in God than to kneel together in prayer. For children to hear mother or father plead for their physical and spiritual protection and success in their endeavors is a powerful thing. Hearing these prayers, a child knows that he or she holds an immovable place in your heart. To hear you give thanks helps your children to understand the breadth of God’s blessings, endowing them also with a sense of gratitude. As you pray for the Prophet, they too will come to honor and trust him as a living oracle. As you pray for the missionaries, you will instill a desire to serve missions themselves and build the kingdom by referring friends and neighbors to the missionaries. Pray for the sick and the afflicted and your children learn compassion, and build their faith in modern day miracles and the love of God for His children.

These prayers need not always be long, just sincere. In the morning rush and bustle to get ready for the day, a quick prayer before the first family member leaves the home will work wonders to bolster the faith and unity of all family members. The tricky part comes when schedules don’t mesh. What do you do when someone has to leave the house at 6 am while your teenager who has been out late wants to sleep ‘til noon? You may have to get a little creative, but I testify that the teenager will have no trouble falling back asleep after prayers – even if you have to hold those prayers surrounding the sleeper’s bed. He may not remember hearing the whole prayer – you may not get a clear “Amen” from under those blankets – but your teen will remember you were there, consistently, establishing a pattern of behavior that informs priorities and giving him the confidence of knowing amidst the confusion of adolescence that family is permanent. It‘s like saying, “You are one of us; we will not leave you behind.”

There are other building blocks that we will not have time to explore today. The Proclamation to the World on the Family clearly states that “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

Can you see how each of these principles can be enthroned in your home through consistent Family Home Evening, Family Prayer and Scripture Study? If you are not using one or any of these three key building blocks, you are missing a great opportunity to build strength into your family, the kind of strength whereby you will truly know the meaning of having “joy in your posterity.”

A final word from the Proclamation to the World: "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

I testify that those who strive to build family strength and unity by heeding the counsel of our prophets in holding family night, and gathering their families around them for prayer and study, will be richly rewarded for their efforts, and will one day stand before the Great Judge of all men and hear the words “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” (Amen.)

The Campaign Machine Rolls On

This is Michael's Election Video we put together to help his SBO campaign for Copper Hills High School's Spirit & Pride Officer for next year. Michael's comic timing was flawless as usual so we only had to shoot one or two takes for each scene. Fun Stuff.

(Pause the Music Box before starting video)

Oh and here are a few more bits of campaign paraphernalia we put together on a shoestring:

Posted outside the cafeteria.

Beggar's Call

I speak in church Sunday on Caring for the Poor and Needy. As I pondered the topic this past month, I could not help but jot down a few lines of poetry to accompany my thoughts. Enjoy.

The beggar's petition rises softly, but clear
Reaching my ears long before I draw near
(Now here's my dilemma)
Will I respond to his pitiful cry,
Or dodging his gaze, pass silently by?

Scanning the scene, I search quickly for clues
"Is he really poor, or is it a ruse?"
Too many pros on the streets nowadays,
Deceiving for money in devious ways.

One morning a beggar, his "shift" done at nine,
Climbed into his car. It was nicer than mine.
One said, "I starve," so I gave her my sack,
But found it untouched when I later went back.

Then again, other times my alms did the trick.
I fed an old man who was hungry and sick.
"I'm starving for two," said a girl on the train,
Who devoured my sandwich, her pregnancy plain.

(But back to my dilemma)
If I withhold now, do I frustrate the greedy,
Or grind on the face of the poor and the needy?
I work hard for a living. I don't like to be taken.
I must give to the poor, but what if he's fakin'?

If I'm tricked by a scoundrel for some small amount
In the end, I will stand when I give life's account.
But if I'm a scrooge to the real beggar's call,
I wonder, at judgment, will I beg? Will I crawl?

If I should choose wrongly, when begged for a ration,
I hope that I err on the side of compassion.

Picasso Face

In my recurring dream, my older brother is trapped, standing on some kind of torture machine that distorts his face into a giant, two dimensional Picasso painting that shifts counter-clockwise 90 degrees every second or two. His Picasso face begs me to “Find the Key! Find the Key!” that (I suppose) will loose him from his treadmill of pain. I scramble about searching for a key even though I am clueless about what it looks like or what I would do with it if I found it. I am hoping that someone will explain it to me once I obtain the mysterious key, but I never find it and wake in frustration with a start and “Find the Key!” reverberating in my head.

I’ve never made too much of dreams, especially weird ones. In fact, I rarely remember my dreams at all. I usually just have a vague recollection of having dreamt, but the details are lost as soon as I wake. What I do remember of them are just tiny snippets – of flying, or falling, or forgetting to wear some article of clothing in public.

But this one was different. It disturbed my sleep for weeks on end when I was about 12 years old. And I remembered the whole thing after waking, from beginning to end. I still do.

I don’t really dwell on it or stay up worrying about what it might mean. It doesn’t nag at me or impel me to any specific action. It no longer disturbs my sleep. But every now and then it pops back into my head for no apparent reason. And it makes me wonder.

I’m sure Carl Jung might have something to say about it. He seemed to think dreams were somehow significant – that archetypical images contained in them represented certain aspects of our psyche or something (it’s been a long time since I took Psych 101).

If that is the case, I suspect the main images in my old dream are three: my brother, the shifting Picasso face, and the hidden Key.

I suppose a few additional details might be in order if we are to make any sense of this jumble. My brother Stephen is about two years older than me. He was the Firstborn of eight siblings. I was number two. I don’t remember ever having been very close to him. Two years behind him in school, I suspect I was the whiny little brother who wanted to tag along and do all the “cool” stuff he was doing, but Steve had bigger fish to fry than to watch out for an annoying shadow. He had ways of discouraging you from following too close, so I ended up envying from the sidelines mostly, trying to stay out of his way. But oh, he had the grooviest clothes (this was the 60s), the coolest vinyl records, and was the only one of us boys who was brave enough to argue with Dad – a frequent occurrence.

He would have been about 14 when my dreams appeared: about the time his naturally rebellious streak drew him along a path of experimentation with self-destructive behaviors that would eventually lead to the addictions which have dominated his later years.

I really have no idea what the Picasso face represents or why it is in the dream. I remember seeing in my youth many photographs of Picasso paintings, or artistic designs based on his work. I think he was the most celebrated artist alive at the time. The face in my dream was like those in his paintings that look like half a side view portrait and half a front view. (See “Head of a Woman” or any of his paintings of Dora Maar for good examples). These cubist Picasso paintings always kind of creeped me out, but they fascinated me at the same time. They were like puzzles with secret meanings which, if you just looked long enough or at the right angle, you might figure out. I never figured them out. But I looked. I looked long and hard, trying to decipher the mysteries, the secret debaucheries, the hidden anguish behind those distorted eyes.

That leaves only the Key. In my dream, I am looking everywhere for a small gold or silver key like you would use to open a locked door. But I never see a lock anywhere on the torture machine that would accommodate such a key. It never occurs to me that “Find the Key!” could mean “Find the Secret” or “Find the Solution” or some other key definition.

So there you have it. But what does it all mean? I’m sure there are a lot of armchair psychologists out there that could take a crack at making some sense of it. I have no expertise in such things, but perhaps it was a kind of preparation for what was coming.

Even as a kid, I knew that my brother’s “bad” behaviors would cause him trouble someday. He was going to get caught, or get sick, or get addicted or something. It seemed inevitable. The frustration I felt at not being able to influence my older brother to make better choices was real and was reflected in my inability to “find the key.”

I hate that he has suffered so much. His face is not the Picasso of my dream, but there are distortions nonetheless. The pain of his sickness and the violence of the treatments for it have left their marks. His alternating addictions over the years turned his head in unnatural directions, keeping him from finding simple homegrown joys, opting rather for a relentless quest for the new, the foreign and different.

I still harbor some guilt at not reaching out with any consistency, attempting to redeem my straying sibling. As children, Stephen always seemed so self-confident, while I was always a blubbering mass of self-doubt. As I grew older, the path I chose helped bolster my confidence and banish both doubts and fears. Indeed, I eventually found the Key to my own happiness through faith, commitment and service. But I still have trouble accepting that I could somehow help my brother find the same. He was always the leader, even though I didn’t follow. Such a role reversal seems unnatural to me even now.

Perhaps the persistent memory of this once recurring dream is an admonition to just keep trying.

Or maybe it’s just a crazy dream that means nothing at all.

Still, it makes me wonder.

Find the Key.

Sermon

The following is a talk I presented to my LDS Church ward last Sunday. It is replete with jargon well known to the Mormon people. If anyone needs further explanation of any terms or concepts, feel free to ask. I'd love to have that conversation.

The Atonement

Last May in general conference, Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled the saints as follows:

There is an imperative need for each of us to strengthen our understanding of the significance of the Atonement of Jesus Christ so that it will become an unshakable foundation upon which to build our lives.

As I have pondered and studied for this assignment from our Stake President to speak and teach about the Atonement, I have wondered what I could say that hasn’t already been addressed by others whose knowledge and understanding are far beyond my own. Indeed, all of the prophets from all ages, and all of our beloved apostles have born powerful witness and testified about both the meaning and the reality of the Atoning sacrifice of the Son of God.

I pray that the Holy Spirit will be with us as we revisit this doctrine which is so central to all we believe. It is the Good News of the Gospel, the basis for all our covenants, the foundation of all our ordinances, the motivation for good works, our strength in trial and crisis, and our hope for a bright and glorious future.

As the prophet Nephi wrote:  We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

I grew up in the church, and ever since I was in Primary, I have been taught that Jesus suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross for the sins of all mankind. I was taught that Jesus died for me and was resurrected so that we could all live again after this life. I had a basic understanding of the resurrection part and thought it was pretty cool. But this business about the Atonement was a bit of a mystery. I confess that it was all just words to me – words I could recite, but without much feeling or real understanding of what this gift really was.

When I left for the mission field in South Korea, I was still baffled by the Atonement. And it bothered me that I was teaching (or reciting words about) something I didn’t fully understand. So I thought I had better do something about it. In addition to my daily scripture study, I began reading the book “Jesus the Christ” by James Talmage.  It’s a great book which increased my knowledge and understanding of the concepts I was teaching, but I still had no deep personal feelings regarding it – until I met Sister Pak Soon Ee.

Sister Pak was a friend to a recent convert, Sister Ko, who had been baptized a few months before. Sister Ko had the missionary zeal of one who had found the truth after a long search and wanted to share it, so she brought her friend to us to teach.

I was a new senior companion, eager yet nervous to be the lead teacher and test out my new found knowledge and growing language skills.  Sister Pak put both my companion and I to the test.  We tried to teach her using the memorized discussions that we older RMs are all familiar with, but all we got from Sister Pak were blank stares. She was very polite, but also very confused. She couldn’t understand a thing we tried to teach.

We tried to teach her about the First Vision. But it just wasn’t getting through. We even tried a little role playing, with my companion and I standing on chairs as the Father and the Son addressing a member of the branch who knelt on the floor, playing Joseph Smith. Sister Pak just looked at us like we were crazy.

I was very frustrated, assuming that my own lack of language ability or perhaps my spiritual insensitivity was to blame. But we persisted and she kept coming back. Either something we said was getting through or (more likely) through the continued enthusiasm and encouragement of her friend Sister Ko, she agreed to be baptized. But something wasn’t right. We hadn’t felt the warmth of the Spirit that was so often present when we testified of the truth.

Sis. Pak came in for her baptismal interview with our zone leader. During the interview, it was discovered that Sis. Pak had committed a terrible sin a few years earlier. It was explained to her that because of this sin, she would not be able to receive baptism until a space of time had passed wherein she could attempt to obtain forgiveness from her Father in Heaven. 

Sister Pak was devastated. I’ll never forget the great wracking sobs of grief as she left us that day. I tried to ask if she would be OK, but she either wouldn’t or couldn’t speak to us. I was reminded of Alma the Younger who spoke of his own torment and anguish for having rebelled against God and committed serious transgressions:

Alma 36: 10, 12-13, 16

10 …I fell to the earth; and it was for the space of three days and three nights that I could not open my mouth…

12 But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.

13 Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.

16 And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul.

When Sister Pak left us that cold drizzly night, I thought we would never see her again. I knew that I had never felt such anguish as I was witnessing. I feared she was walking away for good. In my immature understanding, I thought my job as a missionary was to help people feel good about the Gospel and want to join with it. I mistakenly thought, “Who would want to come back for more after we had made her feel so bad about herself?”  I didn’t realize that what she was experiencing was a necessary part of the great gift of repentance.

I don’t know how long Sister Pak remained in torment and anguish. I didn’t see her again until about three weeks later when another interview had been scheduled. But the moment I saw her, before she said anything, I knew something special had happened. She had left us three weeks earlier suffering the pangs of conscience and guilt such as I had never seen before. She had walked away from us shrouded in a terrible mist of darkness and despair. But now, she was a different person. Her entire countenance had changed. She had a light in her eyes and a smile suffused with pure joy. And I was reminded again of Alma the Younger who continued his story in Alma 36:

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

It was then, when I met Sister Pak again, who was received into the waters of baptism, whose transgression was washed away, it was then that I finally understood what the Atonement was all about, what the Good News of the Gospel really was, and what I was really doing there as a missionary in Korea. As described in Isaiah 61:

1 THE Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

3 … to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

A whole new world had opened up for Sister Pak. She was no longer confused by what we taught her, but responded with enthusiasm and excitement.

Sin truly is a prison. When we commit sin, we become trapped. Like a prisoner who sees little beyond the walls of his cell, we can lose our eternal focus and can’t imagine our real potential beyond the here and now. The Holy Ghost is a revealer of truth and a giver of comfort and hope and is constantly trying to communicate with us, but when we persist in sin, we withdraw ourselves from the Spirit of the Lord as King Benjamin says in Mosiah Chapter 2, “that it may have no place in you to guide you in wisdom’s paths that you may be blessed, prospered and preserved.”  Instead, we are left alone to struggle through our daily lives shackled to our past mistakes, vainly searching for happiness in wickedness, having to endure the influence of a different spirit, who has no charitable intentions for your future happiness. These are the "chains of hell" spoken of in the scriptures.

Through the Atonement, Christ opens the prison doors and lets the captives free. He breaks the chains of hell through the gift of repentance. How is it done? I don’t know, but somehow, through a willing but terrible sacrifice, in the Garden of Gethsemane Christ suffered the pains and guilt and remorse and punishment for the sins of all mankind. In addition, so that he would be able to compassionately succor his people in their times of greatest need, He also endured the pains of all our sicknesses and afflictions, both mental and physical, and even spiritual as the Father withdrew His Spirit for what was probably the first and only time in Christ’s perfect life as He hung upon the cross at Calvary.  Of all He had to endure, I imagine this last was probably the hardest, prompting Him to call out: “My God, My God. Why hast Thou forsaken me?”

I don’t really understand the principle or process in God’s magnificent universe that allows the suffering of this one perfect being to substitute for our own suffering which would otherwise be demanded by the justice of God for our own disobedience. I don’t understand how it works, but I testify that it does. I have felt the cleansing and freeing power of repentance in my own life and as a former Bishop, I have had the privilege of assisting others to find it. Of all the gifts of God available to man, I testify that there is none greater than the Atonement of Christ. Through it, come both the breaking of the bands of death through the resurrection, and the breaking of the chains of hell through the miracle of forgiveness.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son, that whoso believeth on Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Resurrection is the free gift given to all mankind, both good and evil, whether repentant or resistant. Christ was the first fruits of the resurrection. Because he was the Only Begotten of the Father, He was the only one of God’s children with power over life and death – first to give up His life for our sakes, then to take it up again after death. Having broken the bands of death, He shares this gift with all God’s children unconditionally, that we too may rise from the grave to stand before God in the flesh to be judged for our works in life.

Having also broken the chains of hell and having opened the spiritual prison of sin, Christ’s Atonement makes possible the miracle of forgiveness and sanctification.  But there are conditions attached to this gift. For, we are told by the prophets that, no unclean thing can dwell in the presence of God, and that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. In other words, we all need help, not only to overcome the bondage of sin in this life, but to avoid the terrible punishments that await those who persist in sin or who do not repent.

D&C 19:15-1815 Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.
16 For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;
17 But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;
18 Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink

There is a reason that those prophets to whom the suffering of the ungodly has been revealed, even if just partially, warn us again and again to flee the wrath to come. They use words like woe, weeping, wailing , gnashing of teeth, fear and trembling, anguish, torment, and the granddaddy of them all, the burning lake of fire and brimstone. Even though we know from modern revelation that this lake of fire and brimstone is not an actual physical place, there is a reason that this powerful metaphor is used over and over: If nothing else, it should teach us that the Wrath of God is nothing to be trifled with.

I do not mention this with the intent of scaring anyone into repentance, but simply to emphasize that the consequences of sin are real and that it is desirable to avoid them. Although we may have little appreciation for how terrible and ominous is the Wrath of God, neither do we fully comprehend the depth and breadth of God’s love for us and the completeness of His mercy.

Sometimes I think that when we hear or read of the “infinite Atonement” we think of something so huge and so important to the salvation of the entire world, we fail to realize that its effects are intensely personal and individualized. We fail to understand that what Christ has wrought is the perfect Atonement for YOU. No matter who you are or what you have done, He knows you and loves you, and His grace is sufficient for YOU. Let me say that again: What Christ has wrought is the perfect Atonement for YOU.

May we all reach out and take advantage of this the greatest of all gifts by first, having faith on the Lord Jesus Christ: We must truly believe that he has power to take away our sins and that he loves us and wants us to repent (which is step #2) so that we may be cleansed of sin.  Once we repent, we make the gift real by making sacred covenants through baptism, or renewing our covenants by partaking of the sacrament.  The final step is to endure to the end that we might retain a remission of our sins and be found spotless at the last day.

I testify that Jesus is the Christ, the living resurrected Savior of the world and more importantly, my personal Savior and yours. He is the sure foundation upon which if men build they cannot fall. e is the sure foundationI testify that the Atonement is real, that repentance works and forgiveness is available to all who go through the steps of repentance. I also testify that this is His church, restored in its fullness with all the authority to perform the saving ordinances which make repentance worth the effort. We are led by a living prophet, who continues to warn a wicked world to flee the wrath to come by inviting us all to come unto Christ and be healed.

I pray that we will all heed the warnings and respond to that divine invitation in the name of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, Amen.